WK 17 - Merry Freekin' Christmas!

It was another crazy week! Gandork's been really jumpy lately. I mean - yeah, he's usually doing something weird or freaky, but lately he's been going over the deep end. Just this morning he was running around the halls of the school like a madman, slamming his cane on the ground and screaming "Expelliarmus", "Expelliarmus".

All the students in the hall scattered thinking the old make-believe wizard finally went over the deep end with poser spells that he made up. Between me and you, I kind felt sorry for the crazy old coot, so I asked him if he was OK.

I found out he was just saying "Expel  E.Airmus". Some phony with the name Eric Airmus had posted pictures of Gandalf from The Lord of the Rings all over the school with Mr. Tumbledore's face pasted over the top of it. Alright ... so it was a little funny, but he didn't have to go and humiliate Gandork like that! If I was him, I would want that jerk, Eric Airmus, expelled too.

Dad popped up this week with his usual bad timing, and while I was in the bathroom singing some completely rediculous song, of course. Once the stupid song's in your head, it's impossible to get it out! But that's beside the point - the man has no respect for privacy. He just floats in and out without knocking!

Dad told me the 'The Dummy Who Can Not be Named' managed to form back into his own body ... but wait till you hear this. For some reason, his face didn't fully grow in, and now he has no nose. He looks completely lame. Serves that phony killer right!

One of his minions gave him a pair of sunglasses as a gag welcome-back gift. But since 'The Dummy' had no nose to hold them up, they fell right off. SPAM probably would have killed the guy, but he ended up laughing so hard, he choked to death.

I'm so freekin' tired because I haven't slept in days! Growley has me completely wigging out with paranoia over the grand master prank he's been planning on me. Stupid Werewolf! - I wish he would just get it over with already!

Got in some hot water with the big guy this week. I'm talking about Santa Claus, of course. It kind of just dawned on me Christmas Eve as I was getting ready for bed.

Ever notice the man never gets older? I mean, he has to be like 200 years old or something. That's when I realized that he must be a Vampire. Makes sense, right?

I made the idiotic mistake of replacing his usual glass of milk with a mug of warm cow's blood to go with his cookies. I figured if he's a Vampire, he would really appreciate a nice warm glass of blood, and then I would be in good with the Jolly Old Vamp forever. ... and I've really been wanting the new iPhone 4.

My plan didn't turn out as I'd expected. Let's just say it wasn't one of my brightest ideas. In case your wondering, Santa is NOT a Vampire. Jeez - you'd think he'd look to see what's in a cup before drinking it blindly. He's all angry because Lady Gaga bit the head off a stuffed Santa doll while she was on stage this week. And now he's fuming over it and taking it out on me!

Anyway, I hope you all have a Merry Freekin' Christmas ... except for the phonies!

"Life Sucks"

- Anton