Great Freekin' News! I can finally stop looking over my back waiting for that phony SPAM to attack. But I am kind of pissed though ... that dumb-ass actually got a multimillion dollar contract for doing something even more evil than killing all of the people in the world named Anton. I'm sure you've heard that Oprah retired from the talk show business. Well now the industry is looking for the next top blood-sucking talk show host.
SPAM naturally changed his name - again. Afterall, he couldn't exactly go on TV with a name that stands for the 'Self Proclaimed Anton Murderer'. So the loser changed it to SMURF, which stands for Serial-killers Most Under Rated Fellon. It's the most ridiculous name I've ever heard of. I'm even embarrassed to say the man was once my arch enemy!
All this just gives me another reason to hate the Smurfs!! They're all just bunch of little phonies with their blue skin, and the dumb freekin' way they attach the word smurf to almost everything they say. It's no wonder GargaSmell was always trying to do away with them.
I never really had a problem with the blue little freaks until Garth made me go to the Smurf movie with him last Friday night. It was a result of a Blood Pong tournament gone wrong. The only reason that moron beat me was because I tripped over one of his stupid Thomas the Train tracks, which he claims he doesn't play with any more but refuses to take down.
Because I lost, I had to go to the movie dressed as a Smurf. Of course, this was a good thing to that dummy because he dressed up as well. Ever since he found out they made a real life movie version of the Smurfs, he's been a giddy idiot.
I'm a man though - I honored my agreement and went to that dumb movie looking like a Smurf Toolbag. Luckily, we got kicked out of the movie theater before it even started. I was really freekin' pissed off at Garth for making me wear the dumb costume, so I went for the jugular and told him that the Fraggles could kick the Smurf's ass. LMAO!
It got him all wound up, to the point where he forgot we were standing in line with a bunch of children. We got into a Bite Fight, and pretty much ended up spraying blood all over the theater lobby. Trust me when I tell you - it was a Blood-Smurfing-Bath!
The way my luck has been going lately, of course Hermy found out how I "traumatized those poor little children" and broke up with me. Who needs her and her unpronounceable name anyway!
Don't be a phony - read my story from the beginning!