My werewolf friend, Growley, is such a freekin' baby! One little mishap and he starts crying like a little girl. I mean, look at all the things that happened to me this year. Do you see me whining about it?
I'm talking about something that happened yesterday. Me and Growley were fulfilling a completely bogus deal we made with our phoney Principal to let us come back to school. To be freekin' mascots! Well, during the Wednesday night football game, it was half time and we had planned a special treat for the audience.
I don't know why Growley's so mad - I was the one dressed up like an idiotic beaver. He just had to be himself - a wolf.
Anyway, I figured since we had to do it, we might as well give the crowd a show. Now this is going to go against everything I've said about that lame movie, Twilight, but I went rented the second movie 'New Moon' ... for Growley's sake. What? - I heard there were werewolves in it, and I figured even though they totally portrayed us Vampires all wrong, maybe there would be some accurate tips on being a werewolf.
So renting Twilight the first time was really embarrassing, but watching it alone ... with another dude ... really shakes one's masculinity. But it was all in the name of science and research.
And lucky we did, because if we hadn't, we'd have never learned about the 'Jump-N-Turn' move. That's what we named the maneuver where a werewolf jumps into the air and turns completely into a full fledged wolf. Between me and you I'm kind of jealous because the move is pretty sick.
The only problem was there was no time for Growley to practice it, but it looked easy enough (jump and turn), so I suggested Growley just go and do it at half time. We were under the bleachers at the time where the crowd couldn't see us.
Before he ran out into the stadium, I suggested he take his clothes off, which may have been the point at which the plan went south. But, it made perfect sense. In every werewolf movie I've ever watched, when the werewolf turns, he rips the crap out of his clothes. So I was just looking out for my buddy by preventing that from happening. Am I wrong??
Obviously Growley bought into my suggestion and stripped down to his birthday suit. As soon as he cleared the bleachers, he jumped so that he would change into full wolf form before everyone could see him naked.
OK, so it didn't exactly work out that way. He just needs a little more practice ... and maybe a cup next time. Ouch!
Read my blog from the beginning you phonies!