Friday, October 8, 2010

Wk 05 - Vinnie Cochran


The class-action lawsuit is SO back on!! Apparently, the techniques I've been using from that STUPID Twilight movie haven't exactly had the effect that I'd thought. At least that's what the freekin' cops told me after about 10 of them showed up at my house to haul me away. Luckily mom was able to explain how the situation was a big misunderstanding, so they let me stay in school. But now she stares at me with a 'that boy ain't right' kind of look.

All the girls in the ninth grade think I'm some kind of weird psychopath now. I would still try to ask out Veronica, except that she put a restraining order against me which means I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times.

Well, at least now I can add mental pain and suffering to my list of damages. I was actually able to get the famous lawyer, Vinnie Cochran, to represent us vampires in the trial. He's a vampire himself, so he'll know exactly how to play the species card when the time is right.

I'm sure you know him - he's the lawyer that represented a certain Vampire athlete (and also a horrible actor) who bit and and severely beat his girlfriend while she sang the national anthem in front of 20,000 fans during a televised baseball game. You'd think it was an open and shut case with that many witnesses, but Vinnie was able to prove reasonable doubt. During the trial, the defendant was ordered to try and fit his fangs into the holes on the victim's neck and he couldn't. And that's pretty much what won the case.

 I talked to dad this week. Remember how I told you my dad was murdered? Well he actually stops by to talk to me once and a while. (I forgot to mention his ghost sometimes appears.) I think it's great that we can still talk to each other and all, but he has a habit of showing up at the worst times. I'm now completely paranoid wheneven I'm doing anything that calls for a little privacy. Anyway, mom must have told him all about what happened at school, because I had to explain the whole humiliating story to him again.

That wasn't the only reason he stopped by, though. He told me he read in 'The Ghost-Vine' (yes, that's a real publication in the afterlife) that SPAM is trying to work his way back from the dead. Oh, and he changed his name back to that idiotic crop-circle symbol. For now on, I'll just refer to him as "The Dummy That Can Not be Named". So that's just another stupid thing I've got to worry about now.

I've come up with a new motto: 'Life SUCKS, and Then You Turn Into a Vampire!'. Feel free to use it, but make sure you phony's credit me if you do. Maybe I'll put it on a bumper-sticker.


  1. "I would still try to ask out Veronica, except she put a restraining order against me which means i have to stay 100 feet away at all times." Lol

    -Ryan "the flying fish master" mathew