Thursday, December 16, 2010

Wk 16 - A Midnight Snack

The Stygian twins finally called this week. They're the girls I told you about that me and Garth met on Thanksgiving night when we got drunk on Vampire Wine. We met up with them, but decided they just weren't right for us, so we let them down easy. Please NEVER bring the subject of the Stygian twins up to me again.

This past week, I was really getting sick of sleeping at Garth's house, so I asked Growley if I could crash at his house one night to get a break from Garth's disgusting toxic room. At first it was all good - I was fast asleep on his couch. But then, an incident happened. Something so wickedly disturbing, I don't think I'll ever get over it.

It was like two o'clock in the middle of the night when I woke up to itch my leg. I thought maybe a mosquito had bitten me ... but I was WRONG. It was Growley! AND HE WAS GNAWING ON MY LEG!! I wish I could tell you I was kidding, but that is the absolute INSANE FREEKIN' TRUTH!

He said I was carrying on like a girl, and claimed that it was only a little sleep walking episode. Sure, my Vampire skin healed up fine over the next couple of days, but that's not the point. We're talking about my friend trying to eat my leg, people! After that, I forced him to confront his mom, and she FINALLY told him the truth about his Werewolf background.

Anyway, I figured at least we were even from me dumping the rotting animals on him and all, but he doesn't see it that way because he says I meant to throw the animals on him. Whatever!  Between me and you, I'm not buying his sleepwalking story. He says he planning this master prank on me to settle that score, so now I'm walking around completely freekin' paranoid.

Aside from almost getting eaten by my best friend this week, I've decided my main goal this year is to get a girlfriend. Let's face it, the older I get the harder it will be since I'll be stuck in this 15 yr old body forever.

I really like that Veronica chick and I know we've started out on a few bad notes, but I'm pretty sure I can win her heart. I found out that she is playing the lead role of Juliet in the school play, so I tried out for Romeo and got it! Yeah, yeah ... I know what you're thinking - school plays are totally dorky, especially with the nerdy way you have to talk in them like "What light through yonder window breaks?". I mean, what does that even mean? But hey ... a Vampire's gotta do what a Vampire's gotta do.

I have to admit, this acting thing is pretty hard work. I have to remember a ton of lines by next week's opening. And I'm pretty sure the play is in a totally made up language from that Shakesfear person. I really hope Veronica appreciates everything I'm doing for her.

And of course my scar's burning more than ever. Gandork says it's because 'The Dummy Who Can Not Be Named' is getting stronger. So now he wants me to start training to prepare for my fight with him.

That's when I finally confessed to him that I'm a Vampire, just in case it was important in planning my whole destined duel to the death thing. Gandork then confided in me that he is really a wizard posing as a school guidance counselor. I gotta tell ya, it was almost freekin' impossible to not laugh right there in his face. How am I supposed to trust my life in the hands of this lunatic, anyway?!?

"Life Sucks"
- Anton

Before you go judging me, get all the facts and read from the beginning.

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