Friday, December 10, 2010

Wk 15 - Banned!

I can't believe I'm actually glad to be back writing this annoying blog. Last week, that big jerk Gandork told Mom he was concerned about my stress level, so she came up with the dumb idea to take me to Disney World. That might have been cool ten years ago, but I'm fifteen now. The only good thing was seeing those princesses walking around in their costumes - especially that Pocahontas. Still - everything else was a total disaster.

For one thing, Garth and Aunt Celia decided to tag along. Jeez! - If Mom was really interested in seeing me relax, she would have kept that idiot cousin away from me. I told you, he's got her believing I'm in danger with what he now calls the 'VHC' (Vampire High Council). I have no clue where he got that one from - another phony Vampire show probably. Anyway - Mom and Garth both thought it was necessary for us to wear disguises.

My bad luck all started at the airport. Those phonies are so prejudiced! They had one of those new x-ray scanner machines that everyone's been screaming about lately. When you step into it, it pretty much shows you naked on a computer screen. I bet you a thousand people went before me without having to walk through it, but once that guard saw my fangs, he ordered me to step into the machine. IT'S A LOAD OF CRAP, MAN!! I'm talking about VAMPIRE PROFILING!! I swear I saw two hot girls behind the guard pointing and laughing at the screen. It was humiliating!

Then, because security took my bottle of blood with their whole stupid 'no liquids on the plane' rule, I got so hungry on the plane, I ended up ordering a glass of the blood they sell for Vampires. And of course it ended up being Organic Himalayan Yak Blood. I don't need to remind you about my first experience with that. We ended up making an emergency landing and switching planes. I'm glad though - I hope it takes them forever to fumigate their stupid plane!

Finally we got to Orlando and went to the Magic Kingdom, which was completely packed with Christmas coming up and all. I don't know how, but Mom convinced me to get on the "It's a Small World" ride. If you've never rode it, I suggest you stay far, far away from that hell trap. It's like some kind of ancient torture device. We must have waited in line for over an hour, and then once we actually got on the ride, it broke down and were stranded in the middle of it for another hour!!

In case you're lucky enough to have never been on it, basically they have you ride around in this little boat and watch all kinds of little annoying puppet brats sing "It's a Small World" over and over and over again. And if that's not bad enough, then they take you into another country and sing the song a million more times in another language. Then another country comes... and well, you get the idea.  We got stuck in China and I must have heard them sing that song in Chinese a billion freekin' times. It completely stressed me out. I'm freaking out now just thinking about it. The melody has been stuck in my head since I got off the ride.

When we finally got off, they had Mickey, Donald, and Goofy waiting to greet us to try and smooth over the whole situation, but that backfired BIG TIME!  Mickey was so freekin' annoying with that high pitch voice of his, patting me on the back and ruffling my hair like I was five, I completely lost it. For the first time since I turned into a Vampire, my Vampire instinct took over and I bit Mickey right on the neck.

I don't know why they're making such a big deal over it. I mean - it's not like I bit the woman inside the Mickey suit. But Disney still banned me for life. And that's fine by me!

"Life Sucks"
- Anton

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