BITE CLUB Rules
Rule 1 - You do not talk about Bite Club.
Rule 2, You DO NOT talk about Bite Club.
That's the rules we've laid down for Bite Club so far. Yeah, yeah - I know the second rule is the same as the first one, but trust me - when we're telling it to new members, it sounds really cool. Besides, it doesn't matter anyway. The dummies joining our club don't listen - and Brad Pitt has already pretty much told the entire world about Bite Club!
BTW - I found out Brad Pitt's real name is Glen. When he introduced us to his girlfriend (whose name I can't pronounce, but is a total babe), she slipped and called him by his real name. He spazzed out on her. The dude is way obsessed with Brad! Probably has a whole shrine of Brad Pitt pictures in his room or something. Creeps me the freek out! But this is what I've been saying - just another hot chick falling for some phony dude.
We wanted to find an old warehouse to hold 'Bite Night' (that's what we call the night of the week when we get together to hold our bite fights), but there were no abandoned buildings so we had to settle for Garth's basement, which gets really cramped. And smelly!
Some of the members have even developed their own characters like they're in the WWF or something. It's really stupid if you ask me! My idiot cousin came up with 'Garth Vader', but once he realized that he couldn't actually bite through his helmet, he switched gears.
The highlight of Monday night was seeing Bruno bite down Garth. I'm embarassed to call him my cousin, let alone my maker!
Speaking of Garth, he had his big audition with American Idol this week. It was even more hysterical than I thought it would be. We had to go into the city, which was a new experience for Garth. He discovered a whole new style that inspired him.
You know how dudes wear their pants in the city, half way down their legs? It's not my cup of tea, but Garth got all excited and made some adjustments to his look just before they called his ticket. That dweeb has no clue! Just wait 'til you see!
Apparently, he didn't notice that you are supposed to keep your underwear up! I just hope they decide to show it on TV. Trust me - it'll be even better than that Chinese dude who couldn't sing a few years back. And he gives an all new meaning to the song 'Pants on the Ground'.
Those phonies kicked us out of there pretty fast after that. Now that I'm thinking about it, they may not air it. That'll be a load of steamy crap if that's the case!
Don't be a phony! - Read from the beginning.