Man - a bunch of crap went down this week!
First, I got an update on 'The Dummy Who Can Not be Named'. Dad filled me in during one of his usual unannounced pop-ins.
Anton Eaters. That maniac is really starting to piss me off! I mean, how humiliating would it be getting taken down by someone called an 'Anton Eater', anyway! Let's just hope it doesn't get to that.
Obviously SPAM doesn't realize that I'm one of the founders of Bite Club. Shoot - I practically have my own army ready to follow me to war. So if you're reading this, Dummy Formerly Known as SPAM, with that stupid crop circle symbol you changed your name to (which isn't even cool looking), BRING IT ON!
Enough of that butt-head though, I've got another bonehead to worry about at the moment. Brad Pitt. His girlfriend - you know, the one who's name I can't pronounce (something like Herminoriteeoneeity) was having a simple conversation with me, so Brad-the jealous-psychopath-Pitt, (aka 'Glen', but don't call him that) challenged me to a Bite-Off.
A Bite-Off is a special Steel-Cage Match that we hold on Bite Night where you bite-fight until the other person has lost so much blood, they can't move. But we don't actually have a steel cage, so we create a circle in Garth's basement using some of his old Thomas-the-Train tracks. Between us, I think he still plays with them because he gets all bent out of shape if you accidently step on them.
I know it sounds pretty gruesome, but we're already dead, so it's really not a big deal. Of course, that doesn't mean it won't hurt like hell if I lose. I've been taking an extra protein blood supplement to prepare for it.
Don't be a phony - read from the beginning!